An Open Letter

to the ants, flies, squirrels, dogs, rabbits, cats, deer, chipmunks, kids, birds or ANY OTHER pest that has been ravaging my garden.  Make no mistake about it: I will win this battle.

First you started with my lettuce.  My two buttercrunch plants disappeared over the course of one day (that's okay.... I didn't like buttercrunch lettuce anyways....)  But I was mad when I found two of my romaine lettuce plants gone down to the dirt.  They looked like someone sliced them off flush with the ground.  Or nibbled cleanly with one large set of buck teeth.

My strawberries were looking great this year, having gone through a whole season and winter - they've gotten much larger and set many, many berries in the early warm spring we had this year.  My kids couldn't wait to sink into some of these beauties.

Now we come home day after day and find this instead.

Countless times I have stared out my kitchen window waiting to catch you in the act and I've considered setting up a surveillance system to keep an eye out for my enemy.

I'm sure you are pleased to see that the garden is now stocked with even more yummy loot: cucumbers, tomatoes, cantaloupe, watermelon, yellow squash, butternut squash, zucchini and eggplant.

 These new additions have joined the broccoli, cauliflower, collards and carrots that were already there.

If you are searching for the lettuce that you have grown fond of, it has been relocated to a straight side, extremely slippery planter on the deck.  I dare you to try to scale up and touch my lettuce right outside my kitchen window.

I'm currently researching any and all methods to win this battle.  Rottweilers, snipers, electric fences, pet owls, smelly granules, repulsive sprays and critter traps are all under consideration.  For now I have settled on a net that may or may not be electrified.

It's time for you to move on to some other garden, because you are no longer welcome in mine.